


The Emancipation of E.E.

by hifreqblade



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Emma Lives, I like her I like to think about her, and she's a badass
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:14:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26483263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hifreqblade/pseuds/hifreqblade
Summary: What if Emma lived?Short vignettes about her experiences and time after the Big Shell incident.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 20





	1. rescue

“I’m approaching the building. Looks pretty well-guarded.”

 _Click clack click click,_ went Emma’s keyboard. She adjusted her headset and squinted, glancing at her monitor.

“It looks like you could easily slip in,” Emma muttered, zooming in on the touchscreen monitor that showed her live video feed of the building Raiden was attempting to infiltrate. She had tapped into the security feed, the camera barely capturing the top of Raiden’s blonde head. “I can still see you, too.”

Raiden quietly shuffled towards the wall, beginning to sidle past the guards.

“That’s better,” she said, smiling. The camera no longer showed him, so she switched to the second security camera from inside the building and made a note of the interior. “Have you made it inside yet?”

“Yeah,” Raiden said. “What room should I be looking for again?”

“Room 12B,” Emma replied. “Highly guarded. Thankfully, that virus I gave you should be more than enough to trip the security. That door has its own system, separate from the rest of the doors here, just to guard that baby. Can you believe it?”

Raiden scoffed. “Olga’s kid needs _that_ much protection?”

“I suppose so. That kid is pretty special. Probably protecting her from people like you.”

She couldn’t see his eyes through the security camera, but she was sure Raiden was rolling his eyes at her dumb joke.

“Room 12B. I think this is it,” Raiden muttered, pulling the disc from his pocket and examining the door closely. Finally, he found a node set up across the hall, quite possibly leading to the door’s unique security system. He inserted the disc gingerly, awaiting a prompt from the computer.

_Please enter employee ID._

“Shit. Emma, employee ID?” he whispered into the codec.

“One sec.”

All he heard for a solid minute was typing on her end. Then, footsteps approaching. Raiden looked around frantically, trying to find someplace to hide and settling on a large cardboard box. It wasn’t a perfect fit – he could really only stay on his knees inside the box, but he was totally covered if he laid low on the cold linoleum floor. Now if only he could stop shaking…

“Okay,” Emma finally said, startling Raiden. “I’ve accessed the employee system to find an ID you can use. Have you tried 69420 as the login?”

“Very funny,” he whispered.

“No, no, I’m serious. I’m 100% sure that number will let you into the computer system.”

Raiden scoffed, hearing the sound of footsteps quickly fade away. Reluctantly, he lifted the box and took a look around the dark hallway, then slowly rose to his feet and walked to the computer.

“69420,” he repeated, typing in the number and waiting for the computer to load. To his surprise, it actually worked.

_Welcome to Groom Lake Base Security. Reading disc…_

And then the computer shut down as if nothing had ever happened. Behind him, he heard the 12B door unlock.

“I told you it would work, huh?” Emma scoffed. “But you didn’t believe me.”

“I’ll never doubt you again, Emma,” Raiden replied sarcastically, peering into the room where the baby sat up in bed, totally unfazed. Emma switched the security feed accordingly, glancing down at where Raiden began to reach into the crib. He didn’t have a child of his own, but he lifted Sunny up and placed her in the baby carrier on his chest as if he’d picked up babies in high-security Area 51 bedrooms millions of times before.

“Excellent work, Raiden.” Emma grinned, in awe of how adorable Sunny was. The security camera footage was a bit fuzzy, but she could easily see just how small she was on his chest. She zoomed in, noticing something in Sunny’s hands.

Raiden began examining the room, attempting to figure out his escape plan. He glanced down at Sunny, noticing her holding a rattle. He didn’t think much of it and began to step out, only stopping to slip her blanket into his backpack. She might want that later.

“Wait. You might want to do something about that rattle,” Emma said.

“Um, okay.” Raiden grabbed the rattle, slowly loosening it from the death grip Sunny held it in. Like clockwork, she immediately began sniffling. Raiden looked down at the baby, whose eyes were welling up with tears.

“Or maybe not,” Emma corrected. “You've gotta pick your battles here, I guess.”

“What do you mean?” Raiden asked, giving Sunny her rattle back and wiping his hand off on his pants.

“Well… would you rather have a little rattle that she occasionally shakes, or a screaming and crying baby?” Emma asked.

“Good point. I’m sure she’ll be okay, though.” As Raiden said this, he tousled Sunny’s grayish-blonde hair. God, she looked so much like a mini Olga. But there was no time for reminiscing. Raiden had to get out of there and get someplace safe with Sunny in tow. From there, he might have Snake and Otacon take care of her, since he was miles away from Rose and knew next to nothing about babies.

“I hate to say this, Raiden, but the best and least suspicious route out of the base is the air vent system. Fairly quiet and inconspicuous. You guys will be the only people up there.” Emma pulled up the map of the ventilation system, drawing a path across it with her finger. “But from where you are, it might be hard for you two to get up there.”

“Where’s the entrance?”

“It’s not the most obvious," Emma replied. "It’s babyproofed.”

Raiden looked up at the ceiling, attempting to find some semblance of a vent entrance. He didn’t have anything like a screwdriver on his person, so his best bet was to smash and pry something open. Thankfully, he noticed a pair of noise-cancelling headphones hanging on the side of the crib, so he grabbed those and put them on Sunny. He could take the loud noises – it was par for the course for his line of work and he had the hearing loss to prove it – but she was just a baby. Anything louder than a whisper could shake her to her core.

Finally, he noticed a piece of black tile directly above the crib that was a bit different than the others. The babyproofing in question was nothing more than a larger tile jammed in front of the normal-sized tile, inconspicuous to most but obvious to Raiden.

Balancing himself inside the crib, he still had to stand on tiptoe to free this tile and get up through the ventilation system. A crib was not built to hold the weight of a fully grown man, and he felt the wood creaking a bit as he stood. _Please please please do not fall apart,_ he silently prayed to the crib as he gently set the tile down inside. Then, using the side bars of the crib, he boosted himself and Sunny up through the ventilation system, a cramped and claustrophobic maze that made his stomach turn.


	2. whereabouts

Emma hadn’t heard from Raiden in what felt like ages. She knew he was busy, closely working with Snake and Otacon in their Alaska home, but Emma couldn’t help but worry. She couldn’t reach him by codec, nor could she get ahold of a phone number. He, of course, had arrived safely in Alaska with Sunny a few months ago, but beyond that, it was just radio silence.

Emma didn’t want to be pervasive or obnoxious, but she legitimately worried about him and didn’t want anything bad to happen. So she tried once more, just for the heck of it, to see if she could at least reach her brother. Maybe Hal would pass the phone to Raiden, who would be safe and sound, just relaxing.

But as soon as she reached for the phone, it rang. Emma got her hopes up, saw it was a call from Hal, and picked up.

“Hello? Hal?” she asked.

Hal sighed on the other end. “Hi, Emma. I’ve, uh, got some bad news.”

“Oh God.” Emma began biting her nails. “What about?”

“Well, you know how hard the Paradise Lost Army’s worked to rescue Sunny, and of course, every moment of her being here has been so wonderful.”

“O-of course,” Emma glanced up at the ceiling nervously. “I’m glad I was able to help out.”

“Us, too. But let me just cut to the chase. The Patriots kidnapped Raiden.”

Emma nearly bit straight through her finger in shock. Her friend’s whereabouts were finally confirmed, but knowing the Patriots, they could’ve taken him anywhere.

“Well, what do you think is going on?” Emma asked nervously, feeling tears well up in her eyes. “And why him?”

“I don’t really know, Emma,” Hal sighed deeply. “If it’s anything like what Dave’s seen, we think it’s a gene therapy experiment.”

“But _why him?_ ” Emma repeated. “Why not anyone else?”

“He’s the one who rescued Sunny,” Hal replied calmly.

“So?”

“So that made him an easy target. There’s nobody else to experiment on with Sunny out of the way, so they chose him. He must not have had all of his nanos deactivated. And you know what he’s been through. He always seems to get the short end of the stick.” Hal sighed again. “I know, it’s not fair that you’re finding out this way. But all we can really do is wait and see what happens.”

“I don’t want to wait and see,” Emma muttered. She could’ve nearly kicked herself for acting so childish, but this was the retribution Raiden gets for doing the right thing? This is how the world sees him and how they decide to treat him? Hal was right, Raiden really _does_ get the short end of the stick. She looked at the hangnail she’d bitten into, which was now beginning to sting.

“We’ve got no choice. There’s no lead on him, not that we can access. Unless you’ve got some trick up your sleeve.”

“I know nothing about nanos, Hal,” Emma said near-aggressively. “I’m still pissed that I have some.”

“I know.” Hal was silent for a few moments. “And I’m sorry. If I could keep you away from having to do this work, I would. I know how much this all hurts.”

Emma stood up from her computer chair and moved to the couch, where she curled up defensively. “I just… hope he gets back soon. Unscathed,” she said finally. “Thank you for letting me know.”

“You’re very welcome,” Hal replied, hanging up without saying goodbye.

Emma felt empty and cold, emotionally gutted. She pulled a blanket over her body and felt her eyes well up with tears. But as much as she wanted to just wallow in pity, she knew she eventually had to do something with what Hal had told her. If it was gene therapy, she’d do all the research she could to support her friend and understand what was going on.

As she rose from the couch, legs shaking and still sniffling, she headed to her computer to begin her research.

 _Gene research therapy,_ she typed into the search engine.

 _What did that even mean?_ Emma asked herself, scrolling through snippets of technological and physical jargon, stopping at a few words and phrases she vaguely recognized.

_Nanomachines. Emotional suppression. Cybernetic modules. Nerve connections._

Then she went deeper down the rabbit hole, finding excerpts about the Shadow Moses incident and everyone who had been involved. Information about that was scarce and proved dangerous for Emma if the knowledge of her accessing these pages got into the wrong hands. However, this wasn’t her first rodeo, and her internet access was unmonitored and untouched by the Patriots courtesy of her hacking skills.

Emma scrolled and skimmed the page, only stopping to read bits that interested her.

_…the experimentation performed by Dr. Clark… former mercenary Frank Jaegar chosen as a test subject…body recovered… flawed example in the evolution of gene therapy and cybernetic enhancements…but nonetheless an important steppingstone in furthering research…_

She stopped, closing the page quickly. That was all she needed to know.

If Dave’s suspicions had been right, Raiden was going to come back much… different. Gene therapy was still in its infancy, and was very expensive and difficult to master, explaining why the subjects were often former mercenaries and suspected enemies of the state instead of just average, mild-mannered Americans who volunteered for these enhancements. Not to mention, the science was still extremely controversial. How much humanity was lost when you can enhance everything to its peak performance?

How much of Raiden’s humanity was gone to never return?


	3. return

It was 6:00 am. Emma felt uncomfortable beneath a large quilted blanket, cradling a mug of coffee in her shaking hands as she eagerly awaited the news.

The rest of the Paradise Lost Army had gone out, including Snake and Otacon, to go look for Raiden. Having finally figured out a way to tap into his nanomachines, they were hot on his trail. This was going to be no easy feat, for sure, but they had been out for weeks. Hal insisted that Emma needed to fly to Alaska, and she had stayed there for weeks looking after Sunny and waiting. While Sunny was no longer a baby, there was no way the couple felt safe leaving a literal child alone to her own devices, nor did they want to take her around the world. The easiest solution was to get a babysitter, and that babysitter was Emma.

Apparently the group had gotten through to him, somehow, but it was still pretty inconclusive. Yet, Emma took any good news she could get, eagerly sharing it with Sunny.

The house was quiet. Sunny was only 7 and was fairly quiet, but could make her fair share of messes given the opportunity. Emma assumed she was still asleep and nestled herself further into the quilt when she received a codec notification on the monitor.

_Incoming call from: Hal._

Emma accepted the call, wearing her blanket as a cape and scooting closer to her monitor setup.

"We've got him here with us, Emma," Hal said, smiling softly. "He's not doing so well right now, but I'm sure if we let him sleep, he'll be okay."

"That's great! Any chance you can put him on?" Emma asked.

"No can do. I, uh, don't think Raiden is exactly conscious right now." Hal glanced over, still getting used to Raiden's strange new look.

"Okay, that's okay," Emma said. "You guys got an ETA?"

"A few hours," Snake said off-camera. "Just hold down the fort a bit longer."

Emma gave a thumbs-up. "Of course. I don't know if Snake saw that, but I've got it all taken care of."

Hal smiled, his eyes drifting back to Snake. "You missed it, babe. She said she's got it all taken care of." He punctuated that sentence by kissing Snake's cheek. "We'll see you soon, Emma. Make the guest bed for Raiden, okay?"

"Will do! See you guys soon!"

Emma shut off the codec, overwhelmed with hope. Below the surface, however, was a twinge of anxiety about Raiden's current state. How bad were those gene experiments? Would he be the same person just with a new body, or someone entirely robotic, dull and devoid of anything?

This feeling followed her as she walked into the guest bedroom, grabbing the bedsheets and straightening them. This was where she had been sleeping for the month, but she would be okay with taking the couch for the night.

"Oh, god, I'm overthinking this bed, aren't I?" Emma asked aloud, analyzing the two sets of pillowcases to find the best ones. One was an all-blue set with a silky texture, but the other was pure black with white accents. The silky texture would be nice, but black and white match everything...

Emma's overthinking was interrupted by Sunny opening the bedroom door, peering inside inquisitively.

"G'morning, Sunny," Emma said, still focused on the pillowcases. "How did you sleep?"

"I slept fine," Sunny remarked, climbing onto the bed. Emma groaned at the sight of the ruffled comforter, but didn't say anything. "Are you making the bed?"

"Yeah, for Raiden," Emma muttered. "He's coming home today. I should've woke you up to tell you, but-"

"Raiden's coming home!" Sunny exclaimed. "It's okay that you didn't wake me up! I-I'm up now." Suddenly struck with an idea, she darted off the bed and raced into her bedroom. Sunny returned with a stuffed gray-and-white cat and eagerly handed it to Emma.

"What's this about?" Emma asked, examining the stuffed cat.

"It's for Raiden." Sunny grinned widely.

Emma placed the toy down on the bed, immediately understanding the child's logic. Apprehensively, she picked it up again, simply setting it on the bedside table and dressing the pillows with the silky pillowcases.

"I think he'll definitely appreciate it, Sunny," Emma remarked, "but he's a grown-up, y'know? They don't usually sleep with stuffed animals."

"Oh." Sunny looked down at the floor.

Emma winced, immediately wishing she'd held her tongue. Yet, she kept talking and made it worse. "I've never met a thirty-year-old who sleeps with a stuffed animal." _Was_ Raiden thirty? Emma stopped to count on her fingers.

"I just thought he might need a f-friend," Sunny remarked, now standing in the doorframe.

Emma was digging her own grave at this point. The cuteness and naivety of Sunny proved more powerful than Emma's judgmental nature. Emma silently picked up the stuffed animal, placing it atop the perfectly fluffed pillows. Who knew, anyway? Raiden could've had an impressive stuffed animal collection and Emma would've been none the wiser.

"Sunny, no, I'm sorry. You're completely right," Emma announced, giving that gray cat a little pat on the head. "Raiden deserves the best, no matter how old he is."

Straightening out the bedsheets once more, Emma stood back, proud of her handiwork. Then, checking her watch, she realized the guys were due back at the house anytime. "A few hours" was a pretty vague idea, so Emma was willing to wait as long as it took. As long as she could go back to bed while she waited. 

* * *

Emma had fallen asleep again, and she fell back asleep hard, leaving Sunny to play computer games. She wasn't sure what Sunny was up to on that computer, but from what Emma caught glimpses of, Sunny definitely took a liking to coding and the science of how jets work.

For a 7-year-old, Sunny was definitely something of a genius. Emma shared the sentiment, having been a super smart kid as well. Emma, of course, was still smart, but the pressure to keep being smart made her feel inadequate to her peers sometimes. She was grateful for her opportunities, but part of her wanted more for Sunny - a happy, simple life preferably far from the military life.

Why did that kid make her so damn emotional sometimes? It couldn't just be her smarts, well beyond her years, or her unbothered and unaffected outlook on life. Despite the hardships of life, Sunny stayed, well, _sunny._

Emma clearly couldn't discount the circumstances of how Sunny ended up here, thanks to Raiden's selflessness. That was a major part of it all. Hacking part of Area 51 - no biggie - wouldn't have meant a thing if nobody was going to infiltrate it. You took the good with the bad in life; Sunny was the good and Raiden's consequences represented the bad.

But now there was nothing more to worry about. Hal and Dave would be back. They'd have Raiden with them. Emma knew that was all that mattered.

Hours passed. When Emma woke up, it was dark outside. She began to worry if she'd missed it, as if her friend's return was like a shooting star or a comet, disappearing immediately as soon as it arrived.

And then, as if on cue, there was a rhythmic knock on the door, probably some old anime theme song that had been in Hal's head for years. Emma unlocked the door where she saw Dave (unshaven yet looking relieved), Hal (hair a mess, eyes puffy), and Raiden, who stood between the two men, his arms around them in order to support his limp body. Emma couldn't make out a face, thanks to his long blonde hair obscuring most of it, but she knew that was him, in the flesh. Raiden was dressed in a loose gray sweatshirt and a pair of baggy pants, probably some hand-me-downs from Snake.

The sound of the door opening caused Sunny to lose her concentration, eagerly turning away from the monitor. "Uncle Hal! U-Uncle Snake! You're back!"

"Sunny!" Hal smiled. "I'd hug you, but let's get Raiden to bed first."

"Can you lead the way?" Snake asked the girl.

Sunny nodded eagerly and began marching down the hallway. Emma trailed behind and waited in the doorframe as her stepbrother and his fiance lowered the sleeping, limp Raiden into the bed. Raiden instinctively curled up in bed and grabbed the stuffed cat, making Sunny giggle happily. Emma smiled, wondering why she'd even doubted the kid's efforts.

"Let's let him rest, Sunny," Snake said calmly, reaching for Hal's hand and walking out of the room. Sunny, however, still hung around Raiden's bedside, a look of bewilderment across her face. Emma couldn't quite see what was so different about Raiden, but it must've been pretty interesting if Sunny was still lingering. Yet, she stopped herself from getting closer, instead persuading Sunny to let him get his rest.

Hal's words from earlier played on a loop in Emma's head. I'm _sure if we let him sleep, he'll be okay._ Emma sighed, turning the bedroom light out as Sunny passed her.

Then, taking one last long look at Raiden curled up in bed, long blonde hair obscuring his face, she closed the door and disappeared into the hallway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos already! I'm really feeling positive about this story, and I've got another Raiden story planned very soon. Let me know what you guys think in the comments!  
> Not sure where Degree in Trauma is headed, but you guys will definitely be in for a surprise!  
> I'm unfortunately taking down Infinite Ammo, but I will have a copy of the work so far on my Drive if anyone would like the link! I'm just feeling uninspired by it and I'd like to move onto works I've got more ideas for as well as finishing old works in progress. It might make a return someday, but no promises.


	4. morning

The next morning was a gamble for the family as they attempted to prepare breakfast as quietly as possible. Sunny had recently taken a liking to making eggs, so Emma watched nearby, cutting up fruit and keeping an eye on the blue flame that grew beneath the frying pan. Meanwhile, Hal and Dave searched the house, quietly yet frantically, eager to find something.

"Emma, do you know if we have a breakfast tray?" Hal asked, reaching around in cupboards and drawers. "You know, for breakfast in bed?"

Emma thought for a moment, then sneakily turned down the burner Sunny was cooking on before leading her brother down the hall.

"It's in the linen closet," Emma whispered, noting how close the closet was to the guest bedroom. Sure enough, the tray sat at the bottom, below neatly-folded towels and miscellaneous household objects. She pulled it out and handed it to Hal, who looked relieved.

"Thanks, Emma," he said, walking back into the kitchen.

She trailed closely behind. "I assume the tray is for Raiden?"

"Sunny's idea," Hal replied. "She figured he might still want to relax in bed."

 _Wow, that kid really thought of everything,_ Emma thought, smiling fondly as she walked back into the kitchen. Sunny was finishing up cooking those eggs, which came out a bit runny but otherwise perfect. All of the fruit - the strawberries, bananas, and blueberries - were prepped and ready to go. None of them knew how to properly make pancakes, however, so Dave had been making some toaster waffles.

Emma felt a knot in her stomach as she and Sunny walked down the hall, breakfast piled high on a tray. She had barely seen Raiden the night before, so she had no clue what would be different about him. All she knew was that his hair was much longer, conveniently obscuring any strange changes in his face, if there were any.

In the bedroom, Raiden was still laying in bed, but he looked awake. His hair was pulled back and out of his face, but a few loose strands hung around his chin. At the sound of the door opening, he sat up slowly and weakly waved, exposing the now-silver palms of his hands.

"Good morning," Emma said softly, walking closer to the bed with the tray now shaking in her hands. She didn't want to admit that there was a certain... discomfort to Raiden's new appearance. His eyes had this strange glassiness to it, and they looked extremely puffy, as if he hadn't slept very well. His skin - well, what was left of the skin on his face - was nearly pure white. There was something decidedly unhuman about his new lower jaw. He still wore those baggy sweats, but Emma was sure his torso was entirely robotic.

"Good morning," Raiden replied, his voice strangely gruff. Emma was taken aback by this as she set the tray down - she knew that voices could be affected through genetic experiments like this, but there was something still resembling his old voice there.

"Um, we made breakfast," Emma continued awkwardly.

"Okay," Raiden replied, picking up a strawberry. "Thank you."

"Yep."

The two were silent for awhile. Sunny took a seat on the bed, looking like she wanted to strike up conversation with Raiden, who was more focused on the piece of strawberry he'd been chewing.

"She made those eggs," Emma finally said, gesturing to the eggs.

Raiden smiled softly. "They look great."

"Th-thank you," Sunny said, feeling just as awkward as Emma and Raiden. "Can I go e-eat now?"

"Sure." Emma shooed the girl away, and debated leaving before Raiden stopped her.

"Don't ditch me," he said, partly sarcastically. Emma heard the sincerity behind his words, so she pulled up a chair by his bedside.

She reached for a stray blueberry on his plate. "How could I abandon you, in your time of need?" she replied, taking comfort in the fact that this wasn't too unusual for him. "Aren't you going to tell me about your adventures?"

Raiden sighed, taking a glimpse at his new cyborg claws, then casting a sly look at Emma. "What do you want to know?"

"So, I'm not going to lie and say that this entire situation with you, well, being gone has been pretty anxiety-inducing," Emma began, letting out a sigh of relief. "But I'm glad you're back. I wanna hear everything."

"Everything... Oh, man, where to begin," Raiden thought aloud, tapping his long nails against his jaw, which made a satisfying _clinky clink_ sound. Emma smiled a bit, maybe just from the initial shock of the strange sound.

She leaned back in her chair, assuming a comfortable position. "I'm ready to hear it."


	5. forgiveness

Hours and days of discussion told Emma all she needed to know about Raiden's experiences. She knew for sure that he was kidnapped and experimented on, he didn't mind the body much because it had its perks (the whole heels-built-into-his-feet thing made him pretty happy), and that he was prone to some emotional outbursts and intense exhaustion since the experimentation was still fairly unstable. Day in and day out, though, he seemed pretty similar personality-wise. Playing catch-up with him was a pretty common bonding activity, and he could talk for hours if he wasn't too tired.  
  
Raiden had explored the world and had ended up stranded in all kinds of places, far from his wife in Manhattan and the family back in Alaska. Emma was pretty impressed by this - she hadn't really thought of him as a worldly person - but talking about his travels seemed to make him beam.  
  
When Snake and the others found him, he was in South America of all places, getting into an intense scrap with some strange Metal Gears - Gekkos? Emma couldn't recall the name, but hearing that Vamp was there made her suddenly sit on the edge of her seat. Vamp had severely wounded Emma back at Big Shell, and her recovery looked unpromising. She was bedridden for almost a year, finally joining the Paradise Lost Army remotely once she was sure she could sit at a computer painlessly for hours. Yet, here she was years later, eagerly awaiting this revenge story.  
  
"Vamp stabbed me," Raiden recalled. "I couldn't defeat him no matter how hard I struggled. I remember totally seeing red when we made eye contact, though. Something just came over me and I went ballistic on him."  
  
Emma gasped. "Is that why it took so long for you to get back?"  
  
"Yeah. They had to fly me back to get taken care of as soon as they found me. It's all still a blur since I was stabbed pretty hard. They... thought I was a goner."  
  
Emma glanced up at the ceiling, tapping her foot in an attempt not to cry. "That's, um, that's really hard to hear. Sorry, it's still just jarring to me."  
  
"How so?" Raiden asked. He stopped for a moment to think. "Ah... Because the same thing happened to you?"  
  
"Yeah," she replied. "Y'know, one day we'll get him, though."  
  
"One day," Raiden repeated, smirking a bit. His smile was still a bit crooked; the mechanical jaw didn't move much, so his facial expressions came out sort of awkwardly at times. This smirk was more of a lip curl, but Emma still saw that bit of attitude behind it.  
  
Beyond Raiden's recovery, Emma noticed that Snake hadn't been doing so well. He had always looked a bit rough and rugged - the stress of war will do that to a man - but this was devastating to see. He was graying and sedentary, sitting by himself and chainsmoking, only stopping every so often to let out a series of pained coughs. Emma was sure he was just sick, but Hal insisted it was something more, and talked about calling some woman named Naomi, who supposedly had all the answers.  
  
Dave's condition seemed so rapid, too, considering how well he'd been just months ago. Did something happen on the way to pick up Raiden? Emma was dumbfounded and her research proved nothing, so she left it up to Hal to take care of his husband. Hal was so patient, so gentle, but he also took no shit. Emma lost count of the times he would yell "Cigarettes? Really, Dave?" in that same tone of voice, chastising the man purely out of love. Dave knew it was out of love, but breaking an addiction like that would take nothing short of an act of God.  
  
Things began to shake up, however, as the family headed out to support another mission Snake had been roped into. Emma was unsure at first, wondering if staying home or flying back to her apartment to help remotely would prove to be a better tactic. She warmed up to the idea once she remembered all of the loose ends she still had yet to tie up with her brother. As they both got older, she weakened her grudge against him, and she of course knew he wasn't that kind of guy anymore. She just wanted to hear him say it to her.

* * *

When Emma wasn't messing around on her computer, hanging out with Raiden, or playing video games with Sunny, she'd watch Hal work on a little robot named Mk. II. The robot was designed to help more with Snake's missions. Hal grumbled under his breath as he worked on the robot, cursing and wondering why Dave couldn't just retire, safe at home and healthy. Naomi still hadn't come by, so Hal only worried more, knowing that all he could offer to his husband were just basic comforts - a breakfast in bed, a kiss on the cheek, a lit cigarette. In a sense, Hal was already grieving. He looked hollowed-out: rail-thin and exhausted, wavy brown hair sticking up at all angles and gray roots making their unfortunate debut.

"Emma, could you come in here, please?" Hal asked one day, startling Emma from her work.

"Yeah. What's up?" she asked rhetorically, following him to find out regardless.

He led her into his tiny office in the house, a little cubicle-sized room with a set of large monitors. It was sort of like Emma's setup back at her apartment, but with more anime merch. The Mk. II sat at his desk, overturned and somehow looking sad. Its guts were spilled across Hal's keyboard, a work in progress put on hiatus despite Hal pulling all-nighters in his office.

"So... I'm not sure how to approach this," Hal began, sitting stiffly in his computer chair. "There are some skeletons in my closet from our childhood, and I've addressed them to you, but... I doubt you really remember, anyway." He turned his head away from her, craning his neck up at whatever was on the monitor.

"Huh?" Emma asked. "You really don't have to go into all of that right now, Hal. You know I forgive you, right?"

Hal was silent for a moment, looking down at the spilled Mk. II, then back at his stepsister. "You... forgive me? After all that happened?"

"I know you tried to talk to me about it before," Emma continued. "At Big Shell. I was going in and out of consciousness, but I heard everything."

It was true. Emma cringed remembering just how painful it all was, and it hurt even more knowing that Hal wanted to retell it all. But she remembered every line about how her brother was taken advantage of and was unable to save her. She bit her lip, remembering the grudge she held for years until she finally understood and forgave him. And while it was too late, and while it was a silent forgiveness, he was forgiven nonetheless. Emma had found peace with the situation.

"I'm sorry I never said anything before, Hal. I guess I just... gave up on being so hateful. It brought me peace, y'know?"

Hal smiled a bit.

"And... I'm sorry again for holding that grudge," she finished, looking down at the hangnails on her thumbs. "I just wish I'd understood sooner, so I didn't live my whole life trying to play catch-up."

"But you did such a great job, though!" Hal interjected. "You've learned so much in such a short time, and even if you had some, er, questionable motives, what matters was the end goal. I think."

Emma chuckled. "I did what I could. And besides, I think you've got enough on your plate already. Digging up that trauma isn't on your agenda."

"You're right," Hal mused. "I need to be finishing the Mk. II, but..."

"But?"

"Naomi won't answer my calls," he replied sheepishly, checking his phone as if to confirm. "I kinda need her right now. For Dave."

"Right," Emma said. "I understand that. But hey, um, if you ever need help with the Mk. II, what would you think about me and Sunny helping?"

Hal winced suddenly, taken aback by the suggestion. "You and Sunny? Geez, I don't know about that. Mk. II is my baby, you know? I wouldn't give her to just anyone."

"Her?" Emma joked. "And we're not just anyone! Sunny's pretty smart when it comes to computers, too. I think she's catching up to me."

"I don't know about that..." Hal repeated, but there was a hint of intrigue in his voice.

"Plus, she's got a great eye for design." Emma winked.

"If by 'design', you mean 'rainbow holographic stickers on everything'..." Hal's eyes darted to the corners of his monitors, dotted with little stickers of kittens and flowers.

"That's charming and you know it," Emma joked. "But I understand what you're saying. You don't want just _anyone_ putting stickers on your baby."

Hal burst into laughter with that remark, and diverted his attention back to the Mk. II. "You're right. I guess I'll keep you two posted if anything changes."

"Okay." Emma leaned on the doorframe, halfway out the door.

"But one more thing before you go -"

"Yeah?" Emma replied, sticking her head back in.

Hal ushered her in for a hug, which was something the siblings hadn't done since they were kids. Emma was a bit unfamiliar with Hal's hugs - how could this lanky guy be so strong? - but she returned the favor, feeling a warmness in her heart that was a dull whisper before.

And as she headed down the hall, she felt a wave of relief crash over her. All was good with her and Hal, and she commended herself for her maturity. She didn't hold a grudge against him anymore because she _understood._ While she wanted to berate her younger self for being so hateful and constantly playing a dangerous game of catch-up, all she knew now was that there was nowhere to go but up.

And she was prepared to go up as high as she could, becoming the best she could be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took out a chapter - I found it kinda boring and it disrupted the vignette style I'm going for. Here's a long one to make up for that trouble!
> 
> Thanks again for the kudos so far!!


	6. family

Emma spent most of her time lately by Raiden's side. He wasn't doing so well, and spent most of the time on his back, hooked up to some machine. Sometimes Emma would hear him try to speak, a crackling and tired voice coming from a voice box instead of his actual vocal cords. It freaked her out at first, but she soon grew to realize that even speaking normally was tedious for him. She watched his chest rise and fall, first shaky then rhythmic, as he just laid there. Sunny spent time with him, too, but also gave much of her attention to cooking eggs, a more routine distraction from the turmoil around her.

Naomi had finally arrived, spending much of her time with Hal for whatever strange reason. Emma tried to get Naomi's attention to talk about Raiden in private as often as she could, but nearly every effort was overshadowed by some distraction. Naomi was going to spend time with Hal in his office for hours on end. Naomi was going to teach Sunny how to properly cook eggs without popping the yolks. Naomi was going to analyze Snake's condition. Despite the deep sympathy Naomi felt for Raiden's situation, actually talking to Emma about it seemed to be at the bottom of her to-do list.

Until one day. Emma was sitting in her office, working on the Mk. II Hal had finally given to her, when Naomi knocked on the doorframe and entered the open room.

"Come in," Emma mumbled. "Nice to see you, Naomi. How's everything?"

Naomi sighed, crossing her legs. "Your stepbrother and I have been taking care of Snake. We're a bit concerned since he needs to go on another mission soon."

"I see... what's the move, then?"

"Well, we're thinking of maybe having someone join him. We've already recruited Rosemary as an analyst -"

Emma winced at the sound of that name. _Raiden's ex? Why her?_

"-just because she's really got what it takes to help him through this time," Naomi finished.

Emma snorted at this high praise Rose had gotten. There was something about that woman that made Emma's skin crawl, but she could keep it to herself for now. Maybe Rose _was_ some incredible analyst when she wasn't working with a boyfriend. Who knew?

"And as for someone out in the field with Snake, well..." Naomi crossed her legs. "It's dependent on Raiden's recovery."

"His recovery?"

"We really think he'd be a great help. Even though he wasn't at Shadow Moses, he knows a lot about the area and the event. What do you think, Emma?"

Emma gulped, setting down the screwdriver she didn't notice she'd been fidgeting with. "I think... maybe that's not the best idea."

"What do you mean?"

"He's... been through a lot lately. I mean, just look at him," Emma scoffed, suddenly upset by this idea that he was going to recover quickly and be as good as new. "I know he's super knowledgeable about this, I totally agree. But does he need to _be_ there in person?"

Naomi raised an eyebrow. "It was only a suggestion. Do you know what he wants? Has he told you?"

"I mean, no," Emma mumbled. "But I've got a good feeling he doesn't want to go."

"Who else here is willing to go?" Naomi asked. "Your stepbrother can't go - he'll be there remotely with that robot, but he doesn't have the training. And god forbid you or Sunny end up out in the field. Snake needs someone who knows the area well and who can help stabilize him. We haven't _chosen_ Raiden, but if he wishes to join, I think it's a great idea."

Emma rolled her eyes, but she faced the monitor so Naomi wouldn't see. She bit her lip, aggravated that she'd tried to talk to Naomi for so long, just for them to not see eye-to-eye on anything.

Naomi stood up politely and left the office, slamming the door a bit too aggressively as she did. Emma slowly trailed her, catching the tail end of a conversation Naomi was having with the still-exhausted Raiden. Snake, as to be anticipated, was coughing up a storm as he tried to talk, and Emma heard the low simmer of a gas stove.

"Jack can't go!" Sunny suddenly exclaimed, stepping in front of Raiden as if to block him off. "He's not ready yet. He needs to rest."

Emma stepped closer into the room, subtly using what little stealth technique she had in order to successfully eavesdrop and see inside the room.

"He's not ready yet," Hal repeated. Emma felt herself nodding subconsciously, taking one step further into the room, where she saw Sunny holding Raiden's hand. Yet, Raiden was sitting half-up in the makeshift bed, as if he had been called to attention.

Emma finally stepped into the room, fully catching everyone's attention despite being totally silent. Naomi glared at her, but quickly diverted her eyes back to Raiden, who was now sitting up fully in the bed. Emma bit her tongue, wondering if she'd been wrong this entire time. _Was he actually going to be okay to go? Or was he just trying too hard to not disappoint?_

 _But... Hal and Sunny said he wasn't ready to go either. So what_ was _the truth?_

"I'm fine," Raiden finally said, actually using his vocal cords despite how strained he sounded.

"He's not fine," Emma heard herself saying, to the surprise of the others. Hal only looked at her, a mix of nervous contentment on his face. It was as if he was trying to signal some message to her, but she wasn't picking up on it. What was he getting at?

"Emma, please," Raiden mumbled, sounding almost _annoyed_ with her. "I promise I'll be fine." As he said this, he sat up further, cords and machinery detaching from his back and snapping back like elastic.

Emma moved closer to Sunny, hesitant but determined to keep her friend safe. "Listen, I know how you feel -"

"No you don't," Raiden cut in. "You can't speak for me. None of you can. I said I'm fine."

 _Shit._ Now he was actually mad, and he was being impulsive. Emma tapped her foot nervously and looked down at Sunny as Snake said something to Raiden to try and convince him not to go. Emma completely missed every word of it, but was brought back to reality at the sound of Raiden standing up and immediately falling to the ground, arms wrapped around Snake's leg.

"I have always... been alone..." Raiden said shakily, his voice muffled by the fact that he was on the floor. "I have no family... nobody to protect."

Emma pulled Sunny closer, but Sunny suddenly fought back, leaning down to be eye level with Raiden. Emma hesitantly joined them, biting her lower lip. Raiden's eyes looked glassy, and he glanced up at Emma with a vacant yet angry stare.

"We won't let you go," Emma whispered. "Please stay here."

The others had left, silently, off to their separate quarters of the base. _Thank God._ Raiden tried to struggle, but finally fell limp almost instantaneously. Sunny took that as an opportunity to slowly lower his head onto the floor, but Emma stopped her, offering a pillow to make his nap on the floor a bit more comfortable. As she grabbed a blanket, she heard Sunny begin to sniffle.

"Is there something wrong, Sunny?" Emma asked, immediately realizing the stupidity of her question. Of _course_ there was something wrong.

Sunny sniffed. "I-I just worry about him. I don't want him to g-get hurt."

Emma took a seat on the now-vacant bed, gesturing for Sunny to sit next to her. She hugged the girl, placing a head on her short gray-blonde hair. Sunny only sobbed harder.

"H-he's got nobody," Sunny continued. "No family."

"No family?" Emma repeated. "I think we're like a family, aren't we?"

"Yeah," Sunny mumbled, "kinda."

"I know he didn't mean it," Emma continued. "He doesn't want us to be mad at him, so I think he was just acting tough. You did the right thing, Sunny."

Sunny said nothing, just looked at Emma as she wiped her tears on the fringe of her apron.

"He really cares about us, you know. If he didn't, we wouldn't be here."

Sunny smiled softly, then finally sighed before getting back up and walking to the stove, where the burner had sneakily been turned off by someone. Sunny turned it back on and peered into the mini fridge, pulling out a carton of eggs. Emma followed her, watching her begin to cook yet again.

"Do you... want me to teach you how to cook something else?" Emma asked suddenly. "I make a mean French toast."

Sunny nodded, smiling widely and pulling Emma into a hug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> waiting on covid test results... very unepic :(


	7. reflection

On the Nomad, stress levels were rising among the family. The last thing anyone wanted was for someone to have to go out on a mission and endanger themselves. But, of course, the vulnerable ones were also the ones with the most expertise in the field. Naomi was right, as much as Emma hated to admit it. Raiden was the most similar to Snake in terms of field experience, so it made sense that they could go out. The two men complemented each other well, both possessing unique skills to help the other out. Emma and Hal just sat around, though, marking the days down on a calendar and worrying as their field mission came closer and closer.

Eight days until deployment. Emma just wished it would happen already so she could stop worrying. She spent more time talking to Hal, asking him about his experiences with Snake's missions and just trying to keep him company. Snake spent most of his time resting up around the ship so that he was good to go for this intensive mission. The man was returning to Shadow Moses, which was a place he knew like the back of his hand. It was where he had met his lifelong partner, and it was a place Raiden knew well, too, through virtual training. The old base was supposedly in shambles, but Snake just needed a few things from the area.

"Shadow Moses was an... interesting place," Hal mused, thinking back to those times. "It's going to be weird seeing it again through the Mk. II. So empty and desolate now, from what I've heard. But it's not like it was exactly brimming with life back then, either."

"I just wish they could rest," Emma sighed, glancing back at Raiden who was preoccupying himself with a book. She looked closer at the cover. _In the Darkness of Shadow Moses._ Of course. It was like she was reminded of this mission everywhere she looked, despite how well she was trying to ignore the obvious.

Hal sighed, too, running a hand through his wavy hair. "No kidding. And I've still got some repairs to make on the Mk. II to make sure she's good to go. I just keep putting it off. I just feel like I'm delaying the inevitable." He stood up and headed into his office. Emma followed.

"Do you ever just feel like you're not doing enough?" Hal rambled, opening the door and slinking into a seat. "Like, no matter what happens and no matter how much help you offer, it's just a hopeless endeavor?"

Emma sighed, remembering her fight with Naomi and her inability to stop Raiden. "I can definitely relate to that feeling. It's like I'm not being listened to, and I can't answer every question or read Raiden's mind, but I know he's just..." She paused, struggling to find the right words.

"...trying to please everyone?" Hal suggested.

"Exactly! He's trying to please everyone. And he's neglecting himself. I know he's going through a lot, really, I don't understand completely but I see he's struggling. I wish he didn't have to go."

Hal nodded solemnly. "How is it that you just described my exact feelings, Emma? How did you do that?"

"I-I don't know," Emma replied. "I hate feeling like I need to _watch_ Raiden, like, he's older than me. He just seems so self-sabotaging and negligent these days. But I don't know why he doesn't look after himself."

Hal glanced up at his monitor. "I don't know, either. I feel the same way about Dave sometimes. I think he's awake, though - I might see if he wants to watch a movie with me or something. You're welcome to join us."

Emma shrugged. "Nah, you guys should have your time together. I think I'm gonna see what Raiden's up to."

And with that, the siblings parted ways. Emma took a seat next to where Raiden was reclining, still reading his book, a deep look of concentration on his face. "Hey, Emma," he mumbled hoarsely, flipping a page in the book. "Did you need something?" The way he said that made it sound more like a statement and less of a question.

"Do you wanna maybe do something?" Emma asked.

"I'm a little preoccupied right now," Raiden mumbled. "Sorry. Maybe in a bit."

"That's fine. Can I stay with you, then?"

Raiden put his book down and pushed a stray strand of hair from his face. "I suppose. I'm trying to study, though."

"G-gotcha." Emma left and returned with a book of her own, some programming textbook she'd stolen from Hal's personal library. He wouldn't miss it - he probably knew the book back to front. Some parts of it still confounded her, so she attacked specific lines with a green highlighter marker.

The friends were silent, except for the occasional page flip, squeak of a highlighter, shuffling of a body. Then Raiden spoke.

"I had a question."

"Okay, what is it?" Emma asked.

Raiden sighed, dog-earing a corner of a page and setting the book down. "Have you ever, um, not recognized yourself in a mirror?"

Emma cocked an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"It's, um... nothing. Never mind."

Emma returned to her book, not fully devoting her focus in case Raiden wanted to keep talking.

"You know what I mean," Raiden suddenly said. "It's like you're looking, and you're looking, but you're not the one looking back." He sighed, feeling exhausted from speaking. "When I look at myself, I don't know who that man is. That sad, sick-looking man. I-I don't recognize anything."

"I understand what you're saying..." Emma began. "But I also just can't say I've experienced that." She moved her chair closer to where he was sitting, his hand now covering his eyes. "I guess I should ask when you started feeling like this."

"Probably around the time that _this_ happened." Raiden gestured to his entire body. "But I thought that was obvious. Heh, I think anyone would feel the same if they became a monster."

"That's not true. You know you're not a monster," Emma insisted. "You're still you. Just... a little different."

Raiden actually laughed at that remark, an oddly mechanical laugh that startled them both. "A _little_ different? A _little_ different. So all of this to you is just the same as me changing clothes or getting a haircut, huh? I wanted to talk to you because I thought you'd understand. You'd humor me a bit, at least."

Emma immediately felt guilty. "No, I didn't mean it like that. It doesn't change who you are, y'know, deep inside where it matters."

"Sure, but is that what people see?" Raiden asked aggressively. "No. Do you know how many times I stand in front of the mirror, just completely confused?"

Emma was silent.

"It's a lot," Raiden continued, beginning to shake. "I stand there. I hold the electric razor. And I want to chop all of my hair off just to do _something_." He pushed some of his hair aside, showing it to Emma. "I've already cut off a little bit of length. Very unevenly. And this part is still growing back from when the fucking Patriots got into my head." He pushed it back further, showing a buzzed spot near his ear. Emma never knew his natural hair color was brown. She just assumed it was always that platinum blonde color.

"Nobody notices anything wrong with my hair. They don't notice anything about me at all. Everyone on the Nomad is so fucking terrified of me now, so they just ignore me."

Emma winced. His appearance wasn't his fault. Her stomach did drop every time she saw him, like she'd just seen something deeply disturbing. It was like getting jumpscared daily, but she was getting used to it. "You know that's not true at all. Sunny spends so much time with you. She doesn't care what you look like. Hell, when you found her, you probably looked scary, too. All dressed in black."

"God, it's all so cold and terrifying, i-isn't it?" Raiden continued, moving his shaking hands down to his jaw. "There's so little of myself left in my face. I'm unrecognizable."

Emma felt her eyes well up with tears. She was still silent, terrified and unsure of what to say next.

"This body is so broken. Never enough energy. Never enough of anything. Someone has to plug me in at the end of the day like I'm a fucking cell phone. What's the point of all the enhancements if they don't work for shit." Raiden chuckled again, a stray black tear finding its way down his face. "But you wouldn't know. You're still human."

Emma reached for his shoulder, but he immediately grabbed her hand, gently pushing it back to her. His cyborg claws were so cold to the touch, like icicles.

"If they thought I was so bad, they might as well have just killed me," Raiden mumbled, nearly whispering, as he lowered himself back into the seat. "Rather be dead than broken."

Emma began to sob quietly, standing up and quietly covering him with a blanket. He was probably sobbing too, his body shaking deeply. She began walking down the hall and heard the distant soft sound of Raiden tossing the blanket onto the ground. He did it aggressively, seemingly sick of being helped.

She made a stop in the shared bathroom, taking a look at her own reflection to see if she understood what he meant. No, she really didn't. There was no way she could relate unless she ended up in the same position he'd been in, but she wished she could take on his burdens and his anxieties. She'd swap places with him in a heartbeat if it meant he could be happy again. Was he ever really happy, though? That was up to interpretation, but he seemed a lot less depressed when they spent time together at Big Shell and before he rescued Sunny.

Emma was still herself, at the end of the day. She pushed her bangs out of her face. They were getting a bit long, but being on a military ship wasn't the right time for her to primp herself. She examined the sink, a few items sticking out to her. A small makeup bag, belonging to Raiden, was open with its contents spilled out. She looked closer at what he used, unfamiliar with makeup herself. Black mascara. A tiny stick of dark eyeliner that had been sharpened a few times too many. A tube of glittery lip gloss, unopened and, upon closer investigation, expired by one month. It apparently was vanilla flavored. And finally, an almost-empty bottle of concealer, perfectly matching his tan skin.

Was this what it took to make him feel more complete, more put-together? She sighed, wondering if she could place an order for the stuff he was almost out of. Emma took the time to wash her face, noting the tear stains. And before leaving the bathroom, she tucked the electric razor away, far from his clutches.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk what this is but i'm sad now ok bye


	8. complete

T minus two days before Snake and Raiden were set to arrive at that old decrepit base. The two men took their rest seriously, only awake during the odd hours of the night and putting that time towards researching and discussing their mission. Emma sometimes heard their mumbling, two gruff voices whispering in unison, mentioning all kinds of military babble. Emma was barely the religious type, but she even began praying for their safety after seeing her brother do the same some nights, when the anticipation of grief overtook his body.

Raiden and Emma didn't talk much during this time, with the exception of the usual small talk as they passed one another on the ship. _Good morning. Cereal or oatmeal? Sure looks snowy out there. See ya._ Neither one of them dared address it, but the awkwardness was thick enough that it could be sawed through with a knife. The tension was bound to break someday, and Emma just hoped it was a peaceful break and a return to normalcy.

The Nomad made a stop in a small Alaskan town, seemingly normal enough. Once the airship landed, Hal handed Emma a debit card.

"Hmmm. People say they put money on these things," Emma said sarcastically, investigating the card. "What's the deal?"

"Supply run," Hal replied, pulling a list from his pocket and handing it to her. "There's a little shop off the side of the base. I'm sending Raiden with you, too."

Emma sighed. "Great. You're sending Raiden with me."

"Come on, Emma. You two are inseparable," Hal said. "I'm sorry you had to fight, but maybe this will help break the tension."

"Or we'll start screaming at each other in the middle of an aisle," she mumbled. "I'll be right back." She slipped the card into her backpack and began walking down the steps of the Nomad. The sound of someone running behind her made her turn around, and surely enough, Raiden was trailing behind her, having to pick up his pace to catch up with her. Emma was a fast walker, especially when she had something to take care of, so she had already made it harder for him to catch up. He was still in the process of pulling a baggy sweatshirt on over his head as he ran.

"Hey," he said awkwardly. "Supply run. Otacon told me to come with you."

"Yep. Supply run," Emma replied flatly.

"Listen... I'm just gonna break the ice now." he said. "We haven't talked all week. Are you mad at me?"

Emma stopped in her tracks and cocked an eyebrow at him. "What gave it away?"

"The whole not-talking-to-me thing," he replied. "Obviously. But I know I was acting really stupid the other day."

"Yeah, kinda."

"I'm so sorry. That was really immature of me," Raiden replied. "I haven't been doing so well lately. And I shouldn't have taken it out on you. You know that, but I assume hearing it from me makes it better, right?"

"Well, maybe a little," Emma admitted, dropping her sarcastic demeanor. "It just sucked more that we were barely talking since that happened. I know you need to get your rest, but in the times we did cross paths, it was so awkward and forced. Just niceties. I'd like to at least have a good time with you before you're off to Shadow Moses."

"I felt that, too," Raiden said. "I know it's been hard to talk to me lately, but that just makes it so much harder to break the ice. I don't want to upset you."

"Thank you," Emma said softly as the two entered the store. "I don't want to upset you, either. It seems like you're feeling better."

Raiden smiled a bit, a genuinely bright smile Emma hadn't seen in awhile. He was getting better at smiling. "Yeah. I am. Still dreading this mission just a little bit. I wish I hadn't volunteered myself. Just 'cause I can doesn't always mean I should."

Emma sighed as they entered the store. "Who else was willing and able to go, though? Hopefully it just goes by quickly and you two come back safe."

"Yeah. Hopefully," Raiden muttered. "What do we need to pick up?"

Emma procured the list from her pocket and handed it to Raiden, who read it and gave a thumbs-up in response. "Okay. Seems easy enough."

"I've got something I need to grab first, actually..." Emma suddenly remembered, handing him the list. "I'll catch up. Won't take long."

Without awaiting a response, Emma began heading down mysterious aisles, trying to remember what she'd been looking for. She wanted to find a way to cheer Raiden up and give him something that made him feel a bit more like himself. Remembering the contents of his makeup bag, Emma headed down an aisle that looked like it had what he used. A store that was offsite from a military base had no business selling makeup, but Emma was nonetheless grateful for the discovery of exactly what she needed. Picking up the items, she headed back to where she had left Raiden, hoping to find him and nonchalantly hide the items in the cart.

Despite trying to conceal those cyborg aspects of his body, Raiden stuck out like a sore thumb. Long, asymmetrical blonde hair and oversized sweats - with the heels, no less - would make anyone look strange, especially at a place like this. He was successfully distracted, trying to find the right variety of some nonperishable food, and Emma slipped the makeup items below some of the things he'd already managed to check off the list.

The noises in the cart startled him and he turned towards Emma. "Oh. Did you find something?" he asked plainly.

Emma nodded. "You could say that. How are we doing on that list?"

"I'd say we're... about a quarter of the way through," Raiden responded. "It looks like a lot of this stuff is in the same general area, though. So it shouldn't be too much longer."

It wasn't too much longer, maybe about twenty minutes later. Throughout their trip together, the two seemed to reconnect and pick back up on conversations as if nothing had happened. Emma would miss this time with him, even though the Shadow Moses mission probably wouldn't take longer than a few days. _Hal, I'm sorry I ever doubted you,_ she thought to herself with a smirk. _Bringing Raiden along was the right choice after all._

Raiden encountered the last item on the list, pointing it out to Emma. "Looks like that's... all the way on the other side of the store. How about I run and get it, and you can go ahead and bring the cart up to the checkout?"

Emma nodded, leaving him to run off perhaps a bit too quickly. When he returned, he slipped the item into her cart and attempted to conceal a small bag in his hand. Thankfully, she had already put the makeup for him in her backpack once it was paid for, so there was no chance of him finding it.

"Wait, is that candy?" Emma asked him, glancing at the bag in his hands. She examined it. "Wait a minute, sour gummy worms? Since when do you like sour gummy worms?"

"If I told you that the candy was for you, would that make sense?" Raiden asked, handing it to her. "To make up for me being a little bitch before?"

Emma gasped and laughed a bit at the remark. "How did you know these were my favorite, Raiden?"

"I think I've seen you eat them one entire time," Raiden replied. "Somehow I remembered that. I knew that knowledge would come in handy someday."

"You're too kind," Emma smirked and handed him the bag. "But I can't pay for that with Hal's money. Can you take care of it?"

Raiden nodded, covering the candy with his own money and handing it back to her once it had been checked out.

The two left the store, heading back into the base and onto the Nomad, where they unloaded groceries in the designated kitchen area.

"Oh, one more thing," Emma muttered, digging around in her backpack and handing Raiden the makeup. "I thought about what you told me the other day. Thought this would help."

Raiden looked down at the makeup. A lip gloss just like the one he had. A new tube of concealer. And a fresh stick of eyeliner. He looked back at Emma.

"I know it's not much, but it's something to make you feel... more complete," she continued, suddenly looking embarrassed.

Raiden wordlessly put the makeup down and pulled her into a hug. "Thank you," he finally whispered through a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ignore the fact that this literally makes no sense! idk how military bases work i'm too pretty for that


	9. holding

The Shadow Moses mission was go. Hal stayed glued to his computer all day, barely even taking breaks. When he reluctantly did, he had Emma put her phone on speakerphone so he could hear everything that was happening.

There wasn't much of note. Admittedly, Emma missed a lot of it, the anxiety of the unknown preventing her from being as attentive as her stepbrother. Until something caught her attention and pulled her back into Hal's office. Somehow, Vamp had made it back and faced Raiden in combat again. She watched with bated breath, hearing the grunts and screams of the two men as they attacked each other.

Vamp was mysterious, his attacks near-fatal and his mannerisms belonging to the supernatural. Hell, it wasn't even clear to Emma what this guy was, but he sure wasn't human. This was proven by the way he cheated death, time and time again, only to come back with a vengeance. Emma felt compelled to cheer for Raiden, but something told her he wouldn't be as powerful as he let on. This was quickly disproven, however, as she watched him deliver devastating blow after blow to his chest, wielding his sword like a master samurai and ending Vamp's life once and for all. Vamp was, for once, defenseless.

"Holy shit, Hal," Emma whispered, ushering her brother towards the monitors. If possible, her jaw would've hit the floor. She felt a massive rush of relief hit her. This man who had nearly killed both her and her best friend was finally gone.

Hal tilted the Mk. II down to see Vamp's corpse, stained and eviscerated. "Holy shit indeed," he muttered. "I don't think he can cheat death this time. That looks pretty devastating."

On camera, Raiden panned the Mk. II back up, his face tear-streaked with black eyeliner. Yet, he looked pleased to have finally taken care of Vamp.

"Don't know what he was doing here," Raiden said, his voice husky as he caught his breath. "But he can't bother us anymore, Emma."

"Thank you," she whispered, smiling. She traced her fingers down to the scar that still remained on her stomach, slightly raised but practically healed. She could feel it through her shirt, a reminder that despite Vamp's best efforts, she was still here.

"I need to go find Snake," Raiden replied, setting the Mk. II down and disappearing somewhere offscreen.

The next few hours weren't very interesting. Emma barely remembered anything that happened after that, excusing herself to go to bed and just revel in the fact that their mission was going just as it was supposed to. In hindsight, this hadn't been her brightest idea.

4 am. Hal burst into her bedroom, startling her awake. Still shaky from the rude awakening, Emma reached for her glasses in the dark, squinting to see her stepbrother's face.

"Emma, c-can you come into my office, please?" Hal asked shakily.

* * *

In the office, Hal pulled up the Mk. II's footage, where Snake just sat quietly, smoking a cigarette. It was late, and nobody was on the base. Snake looked upset about something, too.

"Thank God you're okay," Emma told Snake. "Did something happen to Raiden?"

Snake let out a deep sigh, exhaling the smoke and letting out a cough. But before he could speak, Hal took over.

"Snake told me... he saw... that Outer Haven crushed him," Hal said softly, squeezing Emma's shoulder. "I'm sorry. I-I don't know what to say."

Emma balled her fists, looking down at the floor. "What do you _mean_ , Outer Haven crushed him?"

"He was trying to defend me," Snake replied. "Keep me away from the carnage. The ship was coming down, and he thought he was strong enough to hold it up."

Emma began to cry. "Why would he do something like that?!" Her body shifting into autopilot, she punched the bottom of the chair where she was sitting. She recoiled in pain, shaking her hand.

"Emma, I don't know," Hal repeated. "I don't know what goes through his head. He was... trying to do the right thing. You can't fault him for that."

"Yes I can," Emma replied, her face hot with tears. "Because it's my fault. I didn't try hard enough to stop him."

"It's not-"

"It's my fault," she repeated through gritted teeth. "I could've stopped him and I didn't try hard enough. He saved my life. So I owed him that same grace."

She pulled her knees to her chest in the chair, burying her face in her knees and crying harder.

"E.E., I -"

"Don't call me that," she snapped. "It's not fair. It's not fair at all."

Despite her best interests as a grown woman, it took everything she had in her body to not throw a full temper tantrum. Her hand still stung from the punch she delivered to the chair. She stood up, feeling every part of her body shake. Not even a minute later, she found herself buried in Hal's chest, still sobbing.

"T-this isn't real," she muttered between sobs. "He's going to come back and be okay. This isn't real."

Hal sighed and petted her hair, giving her the comfort to continue crying. "I'm sorry, Emma. I don't know what I can do."

"There isn't anything you can do," she whispered. "He's gone. I-I can't keep doing this anymore."

"Doing what?" he asked as she pulled away.

"Being a part of all this military bullshit," she replied, her voice growing louder as she gesticulated around the base. "All it brings is trouble."

"Emma, if I may?" Hal asked, calmly gesturing for her to sit back down in the office chair. She reluctantly did, relieved to not be standing up anymore.

"Do you know what happened to me at Shadow Moses?" he asked. "The people I met?"

"You met a woman there, didn't you." Emma used her shirt to wipe her face. "And something happened to her."

"Well, yes, but..." Hal recalled Sniper Wolf and let out a deep sigh. "One moment."

He leaned over and turned off the Mk. II's microphone and camera. Snake still sat quietly, unmoving but occasionally tapping the ashes off his cigarette.

"I'm referring to Snake," Hal said softly, biting his bottom lip. "Someone special I met, who saved my life and became my partner. I can't say I know exactly what you're dealing with here. And I'm sorry I don't fully understand. But Snake... he's had an awfully hard life."

Emma nodded, pulling her knees up to her chest again and trying to calm herself down with some deep breaths as she listened.

"I pray every night for him," he continued, "for his health and his safety. But I doubt the prayers will do anything except calm my anxieties for a bit. I don't even think I believe in anything anymore - it's like I'm praying to an empty space."

"I've prayed for Raiden, too," Emma finally interjected. "But having never done it before just makes it feel... strange. No amount of divine intervention will ever change fate."

"That's the hard part," Hal continued. "I'm already grieving. I look at Dave and I still feel the same love I've felt for nine years. But I also feel a sense of grief. Like I'm standing at his grave already." He took a moment to wipe a stray tear, suddenly looking embarrassed.

"I don't want to make this about my grief, though," Hal finally said, glancing back up to the screen where Snake looked so serene, as if he'd been meditating in silence. "I know you're hurting a lot. I just... wanted to chat with you about it. No use leaving you in the dark about Raiden."

Emma nodded, feeling the tears start again. "D-did he... say anything about me while I was asleep?"

"Yes, actually," Hal replied, pressing some buttons on the Mk. II to play back the codec audio. "He transmitted this to me and Dave."

The audio was distorted. Emma heard crashing sounds and the low rumble of something, most likely Outer Haven coming down on Raiden.

"Snake! Hurry!" Raiden began, amidst the chaos surrounding him. Then when the noise around him got louder, it sounded like he was physically straining to hold up the ship.

"Sunny... Emma... I'm so sorry," he finished, sounding defeated. "I-I don't think I can hold this up much longer."

The audio then cut off, but not before Emma heard him let out one last scream, a pained sob for Rose. She clutched her chest and sighed. Even though he had been separated from Rose for so long, of course he still loved her. He still knew that wherever she was, she would mourn his death.

Emma was silent. She had gotten out everything she needed to say, so she just sat, emotionless, in the same chair. Hal wept a bit too - he had grown closer to Raiden in the past few years and was grateful for him and all that he did. The fact that Raiden saved Emma and stayed close to her was valuable, but now there was one less member of the family. Hal felt for her, but he didn't know what was best. Maybe hearing his last words was a bad idea.

"Are you okay?" Hal asked, immediately recoiling at the sound of that. "Never mind. T-that was a stupid question."

"It's fine, Hal," she replied, standing up from the chair and walking slowly back to the strange chair where Raiden had sat, hooked up to all his wires. The construction was sort of strange, like a robotic lawn chair. She took a seat, sinking into its uncomfortable material. Hal trailed behind, watching her body go limp as she laid down.

"Would you be offended if I left?" she asked, her voice a croaking whisper.

"Offended?" Hal repeated. "Absolutely not. I'd miss you. But I can't force you to stay."

"But what about Snake? And Sunny?"

Hal thought for a moment, then responded. "I'm more than capable of caring for them, Emma. You need to grieve. And if you need to go somewhere else for that, I understand."

"Have you told Sunny?" she asked after a moment of silence.

"No, no, no," Hal replied quickly. "She... needs her rest. I'm not sure how I can break that news to her. Raiden is the only reason she's here - I don't want to devastate her."

"She's a lot smarter than you give her credit for," Emma said, turning over in the chair. "I think she needs to know that he's not coming back."

"Yeah, I don't know how he could," Hal mused. "I don't know anything about cyborg technology. I think it would be nothing short of a miracle if he came back."

Emma said nothing, just exhaled sharply. She hadn't stopped crying, but these new tears were the silent kind.

"I'm sorry. I'll leave you to rest. Just let me know what your plans for leaving are, and I can help with anything." Hal returned to his office, leaving his stepsister to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ouch


	10. nevada

The next few years were a blur for Emma. It was like she lived the same day over and over, bottling up her grief. She suppressed it with buying more exotic birds, with excessive spending, with drinking. Hal had paid for her flight to Nevada, a city she picked at random, and wished her well. Despite her promises to keep in touch with him, she ignored his calls and essentially became a hermit, staying in a cheap apartment she could barely afford to maintain.

She knew she had to do more, contribute her knowledge and her interests to some kind of cause. But the military wasn't quite what she wanted to be involved in anymore - at least not directly. Her job hunts had been inefficient at best, leaving her with just shitty retail jobs she ended up quitting within a month. She was trying, but not hard enough, as most of her work days had her coming in late and half-assing the job until she was off the clock.

The self-medicating and impulsivities didn't help, either. She thought she'd grown up past the notion of impulsive spending, but somehow found herself with a new exotic bird every so often. The birds followed a common theme, too - so many of them had traits of people she used to know. She didn't realize this was a problem, however, until she was face-to-face with a white and blue budgie she was going to name after Raiden.

Sighing deeply, she forced herself to leave the pet store empty-handed that day, realizing her faults had caught up to her. No matter how hard she suppressed the grief and the hurt feelings, it all came back to her. Therapy scared her, but the self-medicating wasn't doing her any good. Stepping back into the apartment that day, she decided to offer her unopened alcohol to her neighbors and put up an online listing for her birds. One glass of wine would be okay, though, as she ordered a pizza to go with it.

A few hours later - and further into the bottle than she wanted to be - she was greeted to a response to her online listing.

" _Emma - I am interested in the birds. When can I pick them up? I'm about 30 minutes from downtown Nevada. Thanks!- from Courtney C."_

Emma smiled a bit, grateful that her simple request to get rid of her birds had finally gained traction. She responded to Courtney.

_"Hi Courtney! I'm free any time this week. Here is my phone number and apartment complex. - from Emma E."_

And then she impulsively added:

_"I'm still finding my footing here. Maybe we could get to know each other better. Let me know."_

Courtney responded almost immediately.

_"Absolutely. I'll be over tomorrow morning, around 11."_

* * *

Emma hadn't had guests over in ages, with the exception of maintenance coming to fix whatever issues she had with her apartment. Needless to say, the place was definitely in a state of eternal mess. Mustering up all the motivation she had in her tiny body, Emma began cleaning the apartment, wiping things down and taking out the trash. She moved the birdcages closer into the living room so Courtney could get a closer look at them. 

And finally, she took the time to make sure even she looked nice, which was a stretch for her since she only owned a few nicer outfits. She threw a long cardigan over her shirt and jeans to give the illusion of being put-together, then brushed her hair and pulled it into a messy bun.

As if on cue, Courtney knocked on the door as soon as Emma finished up her hair. 

"Emma Emmerich, right?" Courtney asked, smiling and extended a hand. "I'm Courtney Collins! Nice to meet you."

Emma shook her hand, her eyes meeting Courtney's. Courtney was a tall woman, almost a foot taller than Emma. It didn't help that she was wearing heels. Her blonde hair was tied up into a high bun, and she wore a pair of pink wire glasses. In addition to that, she wore a white button-down shirt tucked into black work pants. Emma felt underdressed in her old, most likely thrifted cardigan. Still, she invited the woman in to look at the birds.

"They're so cute!" Courtney gushed, leaning towards the cage and sticking a finger in. "And your apartment lets you have these?"

"Yeah," Emma replied, opening the cage to let a budgie onto Courtney's finger. "I just have no use for them. Are you into birds, too?"

Courtney grinned, mesmerized by the green and yellow budgie that was taking a liking to her. "Oh, yeah! I've had birds since I was little. My apartment doesn't let me have them, though. Apparently, they're 'too noisy' for the other neighbors."

"What are you planning on doing, then?" Emma asked.

"Not sure. Probably taking them to my mom's house," Courtney replied. "I'll probably just stop by to visit them when I get off work some nights."

"That's fine. I can help you transport, and you can have the cages and the rest of this birdseed," Emma replied. "But do you wanna stay for awhile before we get this all negotiated?"

Courtney took a seat as Emma moved the birdcages. "Anything I can get you to drink?" Emma asked. "I have, uh... tap water."

"Tap water is fine," Courtney replied, chuckling a bit, as Emma returned with two glasses of water.

"Sorry I don't have much else here," Emma said, suddenly embarrassed by her lack of beverages. "Money has been tight for me lately. I can barely afford to keep the apartment."

Courtney took a sip of the water. "It's all good. I appreciate the hospitality." She then leaned back further into the couch. "Tell me about yourself, Emma."

Emma looked at her inquisitively. Courtney just shrugged.

"You made it sound like you wanted to chat," Courtney said nonchalantly. "I can tell you about myself, first, if that breaks the ice?"

"Well... there isn't much to say," Emma replied sheepishly.

"How about we start from here?" Courtney asked. "What brought you to Nevada?"

Emma scoffed. "A plane," she said sarcastically.

Courtney only laughed, inattentively setting her glass down and almost immediately dropping it. "Shit!" she exclaimed, scrambling to reach the glass before it shattered. "Sorry about that."

Emma laughed, too, taken aback by Courtney's clumsiness. "It's okay. This place is kinda in shambles anyway. What difference will one broken glass make?"

"Eh, don't sell yourself short, Emma," Courtney replied. "I've seen much worse. It looks nice in here."

"Thanks. I try. But to actually answer your question, I just needed... a new start. Far away from my old life."

Courtney leaned in closer, enthralled in this story. "Old life?"

"Yeah. I worked in tech for a long time. That brought me to some... military stuff. And I still want to do tech stuff, but being in the military was nothing but trouble. So I left."

"Wow. What all did you do?"

"Just technical stuff," Emma winced, suddenly unsure of if she could even discuss her experiences discretely. "Um... I programmed some viruses. And I studied cybernetic enhancements and gene therapy."

"That's awesome!" Courtney exclaimed. "I'm sure you've done some amazing things."

"Yeah." Emma looked off into the distance. "Um, you could say that."

The two were silent for a moment.

"So, Courtney, tell me about yourself," Emma interjected, cutting into the silence.

Courtney was taken aback by her bluntness. "Man. Uh, I work as a supervisor for a private military company. It's a really interesting job. Lots of great people."

"That sounds cool," Emma replied. "Surprised you work in the military, too."

"Yeah, it's kinda what encouraged me to move here. I wanted to work for a collective whose goal was to do what's right, no matter what anyone else thought." Courtney crossed one leg over another, taking a swig of her water again. "You know, I actually think there's an opening for a cybernetics assistant. What do you think?"

Emma fidgeted with her bangs, unsure of how to answer. "I don't know. I've been between jobs, so I'm sure it would be nice, but... I don't know if I can do anything military-related again. There's a lot of stuff I'm not ready to face again."

"Well, I'm never out in the field. I work remotely."

Emma sighed. "No, I mean... stuff with grief." Despite it still weighing on her, she felt a sudden closeness regarding Courtney. Despite only talking for maybe 20 minutes, she suddenly felt like she could tell her anything.

"I understand," Courtney replied. "I just want you to think about it, I guess." She stood up and reached for her purse. "So how much do I owe you for the birds?"

Emma shrugged. "Negotiable, I guess. Whatever you can afford is fine."

"I can do $300. Does that work?"

Emma was flabbergasted. She was sure she hadn't paid that much for all of this. "I guess? It feels excessive, though, don't you think?"

Courtney scoffed, beginning to write a check. "If I did the math right in my head, it seems fine to me. Plus, I just... feel for you, y'know? I know you might need a little help getting back on your feet."

Emma took the check, just staring at it.

"Sorry," Courtney suddenly said. "I don't want this to look like I'm pitying you. I mean, I feel for you, but, uh... We all need some help from time to time, right?"

"Right," Emma finally said, setting the check down. "Thank you."

"Aw, man. I should get going," Courtney muttered, glancing down at her watch. "I had a lovely time, though. Let me know if you want to meet up again!"

"Absolutely. Let me walk you out."

As the two walked out of the apartment building, Emma suddenly felt a question come up. She wanted to ask Courtney something important, but wasn't sure if it was ideal.

"Hey, Emma?" Courtney asked suddenly. "Do you... need a roommate?"

Emma was taken aback and stopped dead in her tracks. "How did you know?"

"Huh?"

"I was literally about to ask you that," Emma said, feeling a smile grow on her face. "Absolutely. I'd love a roommate."

"Yay!" Courtney exclaimed, sweeping Emma up into a hug.

Emma reciprocated the hug, feeling much more optimistic about everything. The money Courtney gave her would be a huge help, and splitting the already-cheap rent would be a massive relief. Maybe living with someone would even encourage her to take care of things more instead of laying around all day and/or acting on impulse.

"Can you do me a favor, though?" Courtney asked, pulling a business card from her purse. _Maverick Security Consulting,_ the card read. "This is the company I work for. They don't have much info online, but I'd like you to just think about the cybernetics job. I have the feeling it's a great fit for you."

"Will do," Emma said, taking the card and waving as Courtney stepped into her car.

There was no need to think, though - she already knew she was going to take this opportunity as a chance to forge a new future and learn more about something that had confounded her for so long. Cybernetic enhancements were a lot more common these days, but she knew there was still a lot of stigma regarding employment for some cyborgs. The best jobs they could get were essentially human shields: policemen, security guards, things of that nature. It seemed like Courtney had a lot of similar goals - the notion of wanting to do the right thing no matter what - and Emma was definitely on board for that. It was just a matter of when she'd take the opportunity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if emma and courtney met it would be like the spiderman meme send tweet

**Author's Note:**

> anyway *starts another mgs fic of incoherent ramblings*
> 
> kojima let your female characters live pls


End file.
